Hally757 2.4

Dear Diary, (gosh this is annoying already)

Saturday April 3, 1999 11:45 p.m.

Subject: nothing

Place: I just told you

I guess I should try again. I mean besides I have nothing else to do since I couldn't go the roller skating party. Where do I start? I don't care I'm just going to write: 

Sometimes I get jealous that I had to get stuck with the little kids all the time which means I never get time to hang out with my friends. Holly is away being all popular and blond and glamorous while I'm here doing all the dirty work. I wouldn’t even dare bringing those two along with me to go to the mall or to the movies especially not on a date, which I rarely have anymore. Before me and Holly went everywhere together and at school she would cry if we had separate classes. We always told the principal up front we wanted to be in the all the same classes. When we walked through the hallways always I would link my arm in hers and we would walk around smiling. I used to like a guy name Ian and since he moved to our neighborhood lately I’ve been wanting him to ask me out, but one time I had to bring Sammy and Emmie at the last minute because Mom had to work a late shift “ Sorry love this just popped up could you watch your brother and sister for a couple of hours?” she said kissing me on the forehead, smiling all in my face with her fake smile I almost wanted to puke. I hated her for doing that she knew I had a date with Ian and she took the opportunity to work more hours. Why didn’t she just make me the parent? Because it was really starting to feel like I was one. Even my friends say so. Sometimes I thought I hated Sammie and Emmie-except every time I think that I immediately feel guilty because I know if mom didn’t work late we wouldn’t have enough money for rent, Emmie’s diapers, Sammy’s daycare, plus Holly’s posh and snobbish boarding school. Sometimes I wonder if Mom has even changed one of Emmie's diapers. But that day I really wanted to go meet Ian so as soon as I heard Mom’s old Station Wagon pull away I raced upstairs and got Emmie’s stroller.

I forgot the front wheel was broken from our race in the park last week. Man! I tried fixing the wheel with wire but when I tested it fell off. I tried again this time with tape and the next with tape then string and finally superglue it held and I went to go get Emmy. She was sleeping peacefully with her tiny little thumb in her cute little mouth that she kisses me with every morning to wake me up. Her milk bottle was at her tummy. I almost decided not to go a date with Ian, but I had to. I was running out of time. Softly I put one hand under her belly and rolled her over she coughed and stirred but didn’t wake up.

Then still gently I put one under her back and another under her head and picked her up. Gently I put her thumb back in her mouth and soothingly rubbed her head and lightly kissed her moist cheek. She smelled of Baby powder and milk with a faint scent of the shampoo I washed her hair with during her bath. I loved that shampoo I picked it especially for Emmie. Since I have to do all the shopping I decided Emmie should have something nice for a change. I  know Emmie inside out so I knew just what to pick for her. Mom said she couldn’t have done a better job herself. I was even proud of myself for doing something right for a change. I carried Emmie downstairs and out to the garage. It was cold so not wanting to wake her up I turned around and went back to get Emmie’s blanket it was still warm from her body heat. I wrapped it smoothly around her sleeping body. And again went to the garage. 

This time when I sat Emmie in it the wheel broke from the weight and just in time I caught her before she crashed her head. I would have to carry her sleeping, so I did carry her sleeping on my shoulder thumb in her mouth. I had to walk very slowly so I wouldn’t wake her, and Sammy held my hand as we walked to the Tygervalley Mall. Big Mistake! All Ian’s guy friends were there and one of them was a 16-year old! And they were dressed up grinning at me like crazy. Ian never told me he was bringing his guy friends. I thought it was a casual lets-go-bowling type thing but this? And I wasn’t even ready! My jeans were faded and my sneakers old, my clothes smelled of baby food and my hair was a mess. Ian knows I don’t like to dress up when we go bowling or to the movies. I only dress up when we go on a dinner date. I was so embarrassed! One of his friends said something I couldn’t hear and they all started laughing. Ian decided we should order a pizza and we all went inside Emmie was still sleeping and Sammie said he was hungry. At the tables later some girls came over and sat down next to the guys I could smell their perfume miles away they were all wearing makeup and looking nice. They looked at me and screwed up their faces, some of them laughed. I wanted to die right then, the rest of the night was terrible and I never went on a date again. I blame Holly.

NOTE: Picture of Ian (Hally's crush) coming soon!